I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just had sex bonerless
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
