Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
