i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
