I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
