i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
