i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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