Kiss
Puke
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your cock deserves a montage
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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