So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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