feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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