I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
