Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So here I am, sexting at work.
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