we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
