dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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