haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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