So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
