Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
