I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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