i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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