Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
