thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!