oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.