oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...