Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.