...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.