I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
