You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
