I CAN MOONWALK!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
