miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
