This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
