Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
