On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
