where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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