Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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