My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
