Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
