i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
3 2 1 whiskey
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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