Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize