the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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