My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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