I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
