I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
