??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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