I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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