Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
