This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
