Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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