my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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