My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
