What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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