I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
