i will never coherently bang her
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
