Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
