haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
