12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
