she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
