Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
