Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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