I love black thongs
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
