It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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