she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
