Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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