jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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