some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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