at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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