i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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