is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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