Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
