Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
