she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
