Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
